I love the smell of lilacs. Absolutly love it. The color too. Its so... unlike any other color. I mean, sure, its basically a different shade of purple, but not to me. Both the sent and color of them are totally different from anything else in this entire world. I often spend hours in my backyard sitting in front of our lilac bushes. I sit there and think. Whenever my life seems hellish, all I do is go sit by those bushes and all of a sudden my problems seem so small. They calm me, and that's something else I love about them.

I layed back on the freshly cut grass, squinting my eyes at the bright sunlight from above. Not a cloud in the sky. Perfect. A faint sound of kids playing and a lawn mower could be heard in the distance. Oh how I loved summer.

"Skyler?"

Zac. I had been so at peace that I completly forgot about him. My love I have for him, and would always have, no matter what. I glanced up and saw him entering the backyard through the vine-covered gate. Needless to say, my backyard was full of flowers. A garden. A secret garden as Zac would call it.

I loved him.

"Skyler?" he called again.

"Down here Zac." I said, covering half of my face from the sun so I could see him.

He came and sat down next to me. "Hey."

Did he remember last night? Even though he'd only said 'hey', it seemed like he didn't come here to talk about last night. "Hey." I replied.

He looked over at the lilac bushes and smiled. "Thinking." he said, more to himself than both of us. "Sorry if I interupted you."

"Don't worry. You know you're always welcome."

He turned and looked at me. "Yeah, " he said quietly, "I know."

Our lives were so complicated. I wished so badly that they weren't, but I think its too late to change things now.

Like I said, I love him.

"I love you too." he blurted. My eyes grew wide, and my head slowly turned to look at him. "And that's why I have to stop spending so much time with you." he finished, looking away.

"W... what?" I asked. Why was he saying this? Surely he didn't mean it.

"Just what I said. I love you too, but I have to stop spending so much time with you. I... I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't." he confessed. Still, no eye contact was made.

"Zac, what you're saying doesn't make any sense. If you really loved me like I love you, then you'd want to spend every waking and sleeping moment with me." I stared at him, trying to read his expression. "Zac?" I asked tenativly, "Please, Zac. Look at me." I begged him.

He did, and I saw tears briming in the edges of his deep brown eyes. He didn't want to do this, I knew. His eyes said it all so clearly. "I'm so sorry Skylar." he said, shaking his head. "So sorry... " the tears began to fall down his smooth cheeks. I immedietly pulled him into an embrace, burrying my face in the crook of his neck.

After what seemed like hours to us, we pulled away from eachother and layed back on the grass. I sighed and took a deep breath, letting the all-to familier smell of lilacs fill my lungs. How could he say that he needed to spend more time *away* from me? If he really loved me he should be saying the opposite!

"I think I should go." I glanced over at him, and the look in his eyes told me he wouldn't be back for quite a while. He was serious about this. He really was, and that scared me.

I don't know why, but I didn't do anything to try to stop him. I just sat there, watching him walk over to the gate he entered through only half an hour ago. Sure I wanted to yell, scream his name, beg him to stay, but I knew that once his mind was made up, there was no way anyone could change it. Not even me.

He finally reached the gate and stopped, turning around to look back at me. I opened my mouth, thinking I could form some words, but nothing came out. He stared at me, looking me straight in the eyes, before turning back around and walking out of the yard, closing the gate behind him. I didn't blink, nor did I even try to. I just stared, wide-eyed, at the closed gate. Part of me thought that maybe he'd soon realize how big of a mistake he was making and come rushing back through the gate, into my open arms. How foolish of me to think that.

I could've gotten up and looked through the slats of the fence and watched him walk home, most likely with his head hung low. I couldn't move though. I was planted to the ground, unable to move. Not that I'd really want to either, I mean, where would I go? My life sucked right now, so I'd be sitting here by the lilac bushes no matter what. God only knew the next time I'd see Zac come walking through that gate. Maybe two weeks, maybe two months.

I wanted to cry. He was my best friend. Actually, he still is, but its different now. And not diferent good, different bad. I ruined everything we had. Everything. All the secrets we shared, all the laughter, tears, hugs and even kisses. My life revolved around him and I wasn't sure I could go on without him there at my side. When something went wrong, he was the first to know and the first one to comfort me. His hugs, oh how I would miss them. There was just something about them that I can't describe. Maybe its the way he'd hold me, or the way he'd look me in the eye when we pulled away. But now I've lost him. No, not for good, although it sure feels like it. Stupid me for ever thinking any good could come from this. I now know that I should've never said anything to him. No matter how much I wanted to, those words just weren't meant to slip past my lips that night. I can't even begin to tell you how many countless days I've layed here, trying to decide whether I should tell him or not. Now I know that I should've just kept it to myself... as a secret. A secret here in my garden... my secret garden.