I picked at my food during breakfast the next morning. I stared down at the eggs on my plate as I pushed them around with my fork. All I could think of was how unbelievably good Zac’s hands felt caressing my body the night before. Or the feel of his soft lips barely touching my own.
“I think it tastes better warm, don’t you?”
“Huh?” I snapped my head up and looked across the table.
“The longer you play with it, the colder it gets, and then it doesn’t taste as good. Am I right?”
I glanced back down at my plate and shrugged. “I don’t know, probably.”
“Is something wrong? Do you not feel good?”
Zac slammed his fork down on his plate. “She feels fine Taylor! Just leave her alone!” He all but screamed
Everyone turned to look at Zac.
“What’s your problem?” Taylor asked him, “I was just asking her if something was wrong, chill out.”
Zac dug his wallet out of his back pocket and opened it. He pulled out a twenty and threw it on the table, then got up and stormed out of the restaurant. Isaac and Taylor both turned to me with questioning glances.
“What?” I asked, “Why do you both look at me when he acts like that?”
“Because you’re usually the cause of it.” Isaac said
I turned around and looked out the window. I saw Zac crossing the street back to our hotel. Without a word I got up and ran out of there. “Zac!” I yelled to him. I waited for a couple cars to drive by before darting across the street. “Zac!” I called again. I finally caught up with him and grabbed his arm, spinning him around to face me. “Stop for a minute.” I bent over at the waist and tried to catch my breath.
“What?” He asked
I stood up again and took one more deep breath. “What the hell was that?” I asked, pointing behind me at the restaurant.
“Nothing.” He started to turn around but I grabbed his arm and stopped him.
“No, seriously. Blowing up at Taylor like that wasn’t right, okay? Now, maybe you’re confused about last night, or maybe you’re just over-tired, but whatever the case, you need to apologize to him.”
Zac looked me square in the eye. “Maybe I’m not the one who should be doing the apologizing.” He ripped his arm free of my grasp and turned, walking back to the hotel.
I stood there, my mouth hanging open in shock. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I shouted after him. He was of course out of ear shot by then, so it did no good for me to yell. I stomped my foot like a three year old out of frustration.
I needed to talk to Taylor.
* * *
I sat on one of the couches in the hotel lobby, paging through a tourist magazine I picked up off the coffee table. I was waiting rather impatiently for the guys to return from the radio station so I could talk to Taylor.
I was so confused about everything that happened the night before that I couldn’t even sort through my own thoughts. I was still unsure what Zac meant earlier when he said that he shouldn’t be doing the apologizing. I figured it was probably best if I didn’t ask him until after I talked to Taylor and got some advice.
“Why couldn’t you just leave well enough alone? God, I can’t believe you Zac.”
I looked up when I heard Isaac’s voice. The three of them were passing through the lobby towards the elevators. I threw the magazine back on the coffee table and ran to catch up with them. When I reached them I tugged on Taylor’s shirt sleeve just as they reached the elevators.
He turned around. “Hey, what’re you doing down here?”
Isaac and Zac looked over at me as well. “Uh, I need to talk to you.” My eyes quickly glanced at Zac, who had a look to kill on his face.
Taylor looked at Isaac and Zac before turning back to me. “Let’s go get some coffee.” He put his hand on the small of my back and ushered me towards the front doors of the hotel. I could hear someone slam their fist against the wall and turned around, only to find Zac running a hand through his hair out of what I could only guess was frustration. The source? Probably me.
Taylor and I left the hotel and crossed the street to Starbucks. Once inside I finally spoke up. “Zac seems pretty upset.” Huh, way to state the obvious there Kins.
“Yeah, he hardly said two words the entire interview. Then on the way back him and Ike got into it about something. I wasn’t paying too much attention though.”
We got in line and waited. I thought about just coming right out and telling him what happened, but I wasn’t too keen on all the other people around us hearing my dilemma.
“Did something happen between you two recently? I hate to point fingers, but I don’t know what or who else it could be.” I stayed quiet and averted my eyes elsewhere. “Kins?” He pressed, “Did something happen?”
“Can I help you?” The guy behind the counter asked us
“Oh, uh... I’ll have a grande vanilla frap.” Taylor said, then turned to me. “Kins what do you want?”
“No you go ahead, I’ll pay for my own.”
“It’s fine.” He said, “Really. You can pay next time if it’ll make you feel better.”
I sighed. “Fine. I’ll have a tall vanilla creme frap.”
“$6.89 please.”
Taylor placed the money down on the counter and we moved over to wait for our drinks.
“So you still have to answer my question.”
“What question?” Playing dumb never really worked, so why I said that I’ll never know.
“Kinsey,” Taylor warned, “Don’t play games with me. You said you wanted to talk to me, and that usually means it involves Zac, so just be straight with me. Please.”
We grabbed our drinks and went to sit at a table in the corner away from everyone. I took a sip of my vanilla creme frap and sat back in my seat. “Okay.” I said, “You’re right, it does involve Zac.” He gave me a look that told me to continue, so I did. “Something happened last night.”
“At dinner?”
“No, after dinner.”
“What? Was it good or bad?”
“Well...” I hesitated, “It was good at the time, but now I don’t know.”
“Tell me what it was!” He was getting real excited about this for no reason.
“I suggested going in the bathtub and turning the jets on - ”
“Naked?”
“Taylor!” I hissed, “Would you stop and at least try to be serious for at least five minutes?” He nodded, so I continued. “Thank you. Now, before you interrupted me with your six year-old comment, I was going to say that I wore my swimming suit and he wore his trunks. No big deal, right? Wrong. I went in the bathroom to change and start filling the tub. When he came in wearing only his shorts I don’t know why, but I lost all control right then. I immediately became shy and when we got in the tub I wouldn’t even sit by him. I was so afraid that if I did I’d end up doing something I shouldn’t.”
“Is that it?” He asked
“Ha, I wish. See, the little devil coaxed me into sitting next to him and leaning my head on his shoulder. It just so happened that my face was turned towards his neck so my lips were just barely touching him.” Taylor’s eyes got huge when I said “lips” and “touching him”. “Here’s the kicker though,” I continued, “I knew that kissing him was wrong, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.”
“So you kissed his neck or lips?”
“His neck... that time anyway.”
“THAT TIME?!”
“Just calm down. Now, after I had been doing that for a few minutes, he stopped me and said we should go to bed since he had a long day today. I was like, ‘Well, if that’s what you want.’ He fled from there like a bat out of hell while I stayed in there to clean up and change. When I went back out he was already curled up in bed with the lights out. I climbed in bed next to him and laid there. I didn’t say anything because I was afraid he’d start asking me questions that I wouldn’t want to answer. Then all of a sudden he was like, ‘Come here.’ and pulled me up next to him, so again, my head was resting on his chest by his neck. He reached down and pushed some of my hair aside and lightly kissed my temple. I freaked inside when he did that. When he was pulling away I acted on an impulse and kissed him square on the lips.”
“You WHAT?”
“Yeah, I kissed him.”
“What’d he do?”
“Froze for a second, then kissed me back. Thus beginning our little... well, “make out” session I guess you could call it.” I said, using quotation marks with my fingers. “Things started to go a lot further than I had ever thought, when I finally came to my senses. I stopped him right then and we both just laid there in silence. God, Tay... I have never in my life had a more awkward moment. I couldn’t take lying next to him so I went and slept on the couch.” Taylor just stared at me with his mouth hanging open in shock. “Say something, please.” I begged
“Well I guess I don’t know if I should say I’m proud of you for making that kind of a move or not.”
“Which move would that be? Kissing him or stopping him?”
“Kissing him.”
“Oh.” I said, taking another sip of my frap.
“So that’s why he blew up at me this morning, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess. And hey, speaking of that, after I ran out of the restaurant after him, I asked him why he acted the way he did towards you and said he should apologize. Then he looked me square in the eye and said, ‘Maybe I’m not the one who should be doing the apologizing.’ What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
“It’s simple. You said he looked you square in the eye, right?”
“Yeah...”
“HELLO?” Taylor reached across the table and knocked me on the head. “Earth to Kinsey!”
“What?” I asked
“He means YOU owe HIM an apology.”
“For WHAT? I haven’t done anything to him!”
“Does last night ring a bell to you at all?”
“Hey, that’s not totally my fault. He was in on it too.”
“Yeah but who initiated it?”
“Well...” I looked down sheepishly, “Okay, so maybe I was the one who started it, but why should I have to apologize?”
Taylor shook his head and sighed. “Sometimes I just don’t get you Kins.”
“Sometimes I don’t get me either.”
“Alright, he thinks you should apologize because forever now you’ve been saying that you just want to be friends, when you and I both know how you really feel. But since you don’t have the courage to come right out and tell him, you end up toying with his emotions like it’s no big deal. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but that hurts more than you can ever imagine, Kinsey. So for you to just throw all caution to the wind and make out with him one night and not even stop to think how if might affect him is probably one of the dumbest things you can do.”
“Look, I know - “
“No, you don’t. You can say ‘I know’ all you want, but until you’ve actually been in that position I don’t think you have a right to sit there and say you know how badly you’re hurting him or what it might feel like. Now I’m sorry if I sound a bit harsh this time around, but for months now I’ve been telling you to stop putting it off and tell him how you really feel, otherwise you’re just gonna makes things worse. Well Kins, I do believe you’ve finally succeeded in doing that.”
I hated to admit it, but he was right. It hurt hearing him say those things, but they were all true. I had no one to blame in this situation but myself. “You’re right.” I said, “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me.”
“Apologize to Zac.” I nodded, “I get it. Thanks for being so mean, Tay.”
“Well, I can’t say I like doing it, but once in a while it has to be done.”
* * *
I heard the dinging of the elevator from down the hall. I glanced down the hallway and saw Zac turn the corner. As soon as he saw me he got a look of disgust on his face, but kept walking. I stood up from the floor and shoved my hands in the front pockets of my jeans.
“Um, hey...” I attempted softly as he approached me, digging the key out of his pocket. “Can I talk to you?”
He slid the key in the door and waited a second for the green light. “Why?” He pushed open the door and walked inside.
I followed him in the room and closed the door behind me. “Why?” I echoed him, “You mean to tell me you don’t know why I would want to talk to you?”
He glanced up at me for a split second. “Talk.” He said, grabbing his clothes that were strewn about the room and shoving them back in his suitcase.
“Okay...” I took a deep breath and sat down on the end of the bed. “Well, I’d like to apologize for last night.” He stopped what he was doing and stood there, frozen. “I was tired and had no self control because of it. I should’ve known better then to go and jeopardize our friendship like that, so... yeah. I just wanted to say I was sorry and I hope you can forgive me.”
He stood there for a minute and stared out the window. After a fair amount of silence I spoke up. “I guess I’ll just go...” I got up and headed towards the door.
“No, wait.”
I halted my steps and slowly turned around. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry, too. It was partly my fault for letting you go that far and not stopping you sooner.”
“We’re both to blame here it looks like, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Okay, so are we on an agreement that this won’t happen again in the future?” I asked
He nodded. “It’s agreed.”
“And we’re okay now? No more fighting?”
“Yeah we’re fine. Now get over here, you.” He motioned for me with a wave of his hand.
I crossed the room and fell into his open arms. I hugged him back tightly, resting my head on his chest. “I hate it when we fight.” I said, “I feel so alone.”
“Same here, sweets. Same here...”
back